In life, our closest relationships often become our anchors, the people we orbit everything around. Most often, that means our closest family members, and then outward from there into friends and relatives we hold dear.
When a family member is going through challenging times, expressing concern and offering support can be a delicate but crucial task. That being said, not all of us are skilled in how to do that. Part of wellbeing is about caring for the wellbeing for others too, and so learning how to express concerns or lending a helping hand is a valuable life skill to keep on top of.
Thankfully, you don’t have to be perfect to do a good enough job, and to show support healthily. In this post, we’ll explore practical steps and genuinely empathetic strategies to lend that oh-so-necessary helping hand.
Just remember, being there for our loved ones is what everyone needs from time to time, so don’t assume you’re being nosy or interjecting too much. A word of caution or love can be all a person needs to here to enjoy a path to change, or finally gain the help they so deserve. Let’s consider more of that, below:
Communicate & Listen With Respect
It’s never easy to begin these conversations, but it’s important we do, and do so respectfully. Start by approaching your loved one with genuine care and respect, creating an atmosphere where they feel safe to share their thoughts and emotions in kind – or just give them the space to listen to what you have to say without answering perfectly. Listening actively, without rushing to judge or offer solutions, shows your heart is in the right place and that you care about what they think.
This ultimately involves acknowledging their feelings without minimizing or dismissing them – even if you disagree with the content of what they say. It’s about clearly saying, “I’m here for you, and your feelings matter.” This can help anyone open up more easily, especially if the topic is about something serious or even embarrassing for them.
Discuss The Realities
It’s not always healthy to dance around the smaller issues, because sometimes not addressing an issue head-on can make it seem lesser, or give your relative the means to minimize it. Instead, try to gently broach the subject with your loved one, emphasizing that your intention is to navigate challenges together.
Be honest yet compassionate, and do your utmost to understand that this might be the first time your relative has talked about this issue with someone. You can begin by expressing your observations and concerns in a non-confrontational manner, using ‘I think, I believe’ statements to convey your feelings with respect, especially about what concerns you and what could be the underlying problem.
For example, perhaps you’ve noticed your relative is spending a lot of time alone lately, and you’re concerned with their welfare. Or, perhaps they’ve been hiding their substance intake, but you’ve noticed it. Be very courteous, but cut right to the issues, without dismissing them or making them feel lesser, as if that problem was who they are. It will help you avoid beating around the bush, and also let them know your exact thoughts.
Provide Helpful Resources
The conversation flows a little more easily if you have some resources to help. Note that we said “don’t come with ready-made solutions” a little above here, but that’s not necessarily the same as pointing someone in the right direction or supporting them through that changed habit.
For example, if they accept they’ve been having a hard time but they don’t know where to start, you might offer to help them enroll in a rehab for alcohol. This can help them slowly find the support they need while also connecting to a recovery pathway. You might even recommend doing it while you take care of their personal affairs, such as looking after a pet or helping them save a little face in front of the rest of the family.
If you let them know, and show them how you intend to be an ally, well, it’s hard for them to dismiss you outright, or think that your concern is about denigrating them. Note that sometimes, recovery is a long road, and it can have messy periods. But ultimately, there’s nothing better you can do than this.
Try To Enlist Other Understanding Family Members
Let’s face it – being the solo support system for a struggling family member can be a real challenge, and unless you’ve worked in a care environment before, it’s hard to know what to do. It’s okay to rally the troops, otherwise known as other understanding family members, if your main family member can accept that. This way, you also provide your family members with a wider support structure they might need to be their best self going forward – and that’s not always easy.
Gently encourage other family members to join the effort if you think they could help. Sometimes, having someone with more experience than you, who won’t judge, can be a boon. Share your concerns and let them in on your efforts to be there. Try and balance the responsibility where you can. It will help you feel like a more unified unit, which helps shift the worry somewhat.
Remember, it’s not about pointing fingers or assigning blame. It’s about doing what works.
Assist In Treatment If You Can
While you should always defer to the professionals and medical help, you can assist with the practicalities too. Maybe you’ll be helping with transportation to appointments, picking up prescriptions, or simply ensuring their living space is helpful enough to recovery. Acting as an accountability partner can be a great idea, as can helping them with social activities or connecting them into your schedule so they feel less alone. Small gestures can go a long way in making their treatment journey smoother, but it also allows you to keep an eye on them when needed.
Depending on the capabilities of your relative, sometimes your care effort may be more or less involved. For example, it might be that you’ve helped your relative into residential living in a care community where they can be treated, or perhaps you’ll simply help them take their medication each day.
It’s also important to remember that:
There Will Be Tough Periods
Unfortunately, recovery from an issue, whatever it is, is not always a smooth and comforting process. It can have difficult periods, and even times where recovery seems less possible than it first did. That’s why it’s so important to prepare yourself and your family members for the possibility of challenging moments.
Let the concerned relative know that it’s okay not to have everything figured out and that setbacks are a natural part of the process, but you’re here for them regardless. You can build up their confidence by showing belief in them, and letting them know you won’t be going anywhere. This can be easier said than done, especially if your relative is less conducive to treatment than they once promised. Ultimately, not giving up on them is important, until the very final moment where you can reasonably offer your assistance.
It also means you have to implement a bit of give and take. If you have your own family, or daily responsibilities like most people, you might have to balance this in among their usual considerations. Keeping that in mind is key, and will help you feel resilient in your supportive role as the days and weeks pass on.
With this advice, you’re sure to help your family member well, and they’ll no doubt be very thankful for your efforts.